Fake Your Death

knifefarty:

iwonthellamaatthefayre:

wibblywobblyuniverse:

knifefarty:

if i had the power to control time i would probably just use it to sleep more

if you stopped it in a test
at the last minute
just wandered off, brought your notes in, finished it correctly and put them back
that would be a good idea too

If you could stop time you wouldn’t do tests you could just take stuff from shops and live off that

no thats illegal

(via cookingtoddlers)

catswithbenefits:

the only point of a middle name is to let you know when you’re in deep shit

(via cookingtoddlers)

watsonsstripeyjumper:

theweepyfox:

geometricdeathtrap:

So I needed a way to alert the class that I was going to be showing graphic pictures of genitals on my presentation so I decided that putting this on the slide before would work

I want this on a shirt.

I wasn’t looking properly and i thought it said hit the dick

(via cookingtoddlers)

shieldhumanresourcesdept:

jimmyjamjimjohn:

rubywhiterabbit:

One day we’ll be in a Marvel movie, sitting there as something doesn’t feel right. and as the credits start to roll we’ll know what it is. It will flash up on screen and our hearts will break. “In loving memory of Stan Lee”. There was no cameo in that movie. And there never will be again.

(via cookingtoddlers)

ayeleesh:

when you see your reflection on your laptop screen and you just look

(via cookingtoddlers)

the-adequate-gatsby:

It’s 3 am

You hear a noise in your kitchen

You go to investigate

It’s me sitting at your table

I ask you to sit down

“I want to know why you though that comment on my post was necessary.” 

(via cookingtoddlers)

goldenfreezeover:

somethingambiguous:

tltty:

when I’m old, kids will think I’m so ancient because it’s like ‘Holy shit you were born in the nineteen hundreds’

We’ll be the last humans to be born in a year beginning with “1”

(via cookingtoddlers)

i thought of you, while in the shower

and i thought of how nice it’d be

to have your things among my things

along the bathtub’s edge

and i imagined myself running out of soap

and using yours

and wearing you to work, and the grocery store

and i imagined that night, laying down beside you

and smelling your neck

and finding out where all my soap had gone

(via cookingtoddlers)

fake-mermaid:

how are we almost in june i swear we were in march 2 days ago

(via harrys-chamber-of-secrets-221b)